Fairy Tail Couple's Competition
by kurisu313
Summary: Pure crack fic for laughs and written in a different style to my usual stories. Who will win the best couple in Fairy Tail award? Rated T, mainy due to Gajeel's language. Natsu and Lucy. Gajeel and Levy. Erza and Gerard. Gray and Juvia. Elfman and Evergreen.
1. Chapter 1

**Mavis:** Welcome to Domus Flau, the largest arena in the country and the only place suitable for the epic competition that is to follow. The Fairy Tail Couple's Competition! Yes, we are here today to see who is the best, the cutest, the most wonderful couple in all of Fairy Tail. I am Mavis Vermillion, the first guild master of Fairy Tail and I will be you commentator today!

**Makarov: **Ahem.

**Mavis: **Oh, and I am joined by Makarov Dreyar, the third? Sixth?

**Makarov: **It's seventh, actually.

**Mavis: **Now, it is time to introduce our five teams! We've only chosen those couples who are canon so I'm sorry if your favourite couple isn't here. Blame Hiro for not pairing Laxus, Mira or Cana.

**Makarov: **Please stay in character, First.

**Mavis: **We've asked each couple to choose a team name. *looks at sheet* Oh dear. Maybe not the most creative people in the world, but oh well. Now, we introduce the first couple, our Pink-haired boy and his beautiful girlfriend, from Team Burning Spirit, Natsu Dragneel and Lucy Heartphilia!

Down in the arena the pair entered, Natsu raising his arms as he shouted to the cheering crowd.

**Makarov: **Now, here comes the shining star of the guild and her reformed boyfriend, Erza Scarlett and Gerard Fernandez of Team Armoured Heart!

The cheering reached a fevered pitch for the armoured Maga, crimson hair flowing behind her as she fiercely clutched Gerard's hand.

**Mavis: **Now, the most awkward pair in the guild, Gray Fullbuster and Juvia Loxar from Team Gray-Sama Love-Love! Really, that's the name?

Juvia clutched onto Gray's arm and happily wriggled away as Gray entered with her. In the crowd, Lyon could be heard booing.

**Makarov: **Here come the most surprise couple in the guild. At a combined 12 feet tall, most of it belonging to the man; Elfman Strauss and Evergreen from Team Fairy Soul!

Evergreen and Elfman didn't hold hands as they entered, instead keeping an embarrassment-length away from one another.

**Mavis: **And lastly, with the same height difference we have Fairy Tail's oddest couple. The big bad brute and the adorable bookworm, Gajeel Redfox and Levy McGarden from Team…really…that's the name?...okay…Team Iron Shrimp!

Gajeel carried Levy upon his shoulder as he entered, daring anyone to laugh. Levy smiled and waved at the crowd.

**Mavis: **Now that our teams have arrived, we're going to move on to the first event immediately! Now, the scoring is simple; it's 10 points for first place, then 8, 6, 4 and finally 2 for last place. We don't know how many rounds there will be yet…

**Makarov: **Because the author's a lazy asshole.

**Mavis: **…so everyone try your best from the beginning! *hey, you said to stay in character!* Anyway, let us reveal the first round, an easy game to let our couples get used to the event. Round one is a three-legged race for a full mile! Four laps of the track!

**Makarov: **Hmm…I can see Levy and Evergreen seeing the same problem.

**Mavis: **Yes, this round tests compatibility of their physical bodies, as well as the teamwork necessary to pull together in the same direction at all times! Who will win? Does everyone have a favourite? *listens to crowd roar*

**Makarov: **They are taking their starting positions now. On my mark. Three. Two. One. Go! *makes a loud magical bang on the word go*

**Mavis: **Look! Erza and Gerard take an early lead!

**Makarov: **Indeed. Not only are they both very strong S-class mages, but they have hearts that are perfectly in sync with one another. Even now, as Gerard casts Meteor, Erza switches to her soaring armour! No one can catch such speed and teamwork! First place to Team Armoured Heart!

**Mavis: **Amazing! Now, there's a fierce competition for second place! Gray and Natsu are not letting the other get the advantage. Can the girls keep pace with the strength of their boyfriends?

**Makarov: **Juvia is an expert with keeping in Gray's wavelength! She can do it! Lucy looks like she's flagging, but she's hanging in there! Who will be second? Ah, Gray lays down an ice field to slip up the other team!

**Mavis: **Natsu looks angry, but he can't easily burn it away with Lucy next to him! What can they do?

**Makarov: **Lucy summons Gemini! Amazing, she is able to make a copy of Natsu on the other side of her! Her magical power must have come a long way to copy him!

**Mavis: **With two Natsus, they leap the ice field and are gaining ground! They are basically carrying Lucy between them! Can they catch up in time? There isn't long to go! The finish line is approaching and…

**Makarov: **Natsu and Lucy win at the last moment! Second place to Team Burning Spirit!

**Mavis: **Oooh, Gray is not happy with Natsu! And Juvia is alternating wildly between apologizing to Gray and staring daggers and Lucy! Still, they worked well together and scored a respectable 6 points.

**Makarov: **Indeed. Now it's a battle to escape last place.

**Mavis: **Oh dear…

**Makarov: **The last two teams aren't even halfway around yet! Elfman and Gajeel are not holding themselves back properly for their girlfriend's much shorter strides!

**Mavis: **At least it's not Elfman and Levy together.

**Makarov: **That'd be awful.

**Mavis: **Now both teams are arguing amongst themselves. Despite their obvious differences, all four are hot-blooded and not backing down! The question is; which one will find the better common ground? Oh my word…look at that!

**Makarov: **Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! Evergreen activates her wings and Elfman apparently has a Wyvern beast shift! I had no idea that he had a flying beast soul! They are only attached at the leg, so his wings are free to flap! Evergreen supports her own weight and can fly next to him! Their teamwork is completely independent of one another!

**Mavis: **Fourth place to team Fairy Soul! Oh, Gajeel does not look happy. He appears to be making fun of Levy's height.

**Makarov: **He does that when he's happy too. Ooh! A handbag to the face! Levy claims that he is too tall!

**Mavis: **A shame, but two points to Team Iron Shrimp. Hopefully they will do better in a round that allows their abilities to complement rather than compete. Let's go to our live reporter on the field to see what the contestants think after round one. Mira?

**Mira: **It was great! So cute! I mean, I'm here on the ground talking to the contestants. Erza! How do you feel after winning?

**Erza: **Wasn't it obvious? Some people don't train enough. *Has Gray and Natsu in a headlock as Juvia cheers for Gray in the background*

**Mira: **Typically odd there. I want a word with Evergreen, but oh my that glare could turn me to stone! Gajeel! Gajeel! How do you feel about you position?

**Gajeel: **This is bullshit! If Shorty wasn't so short!

**Levy: **It was your fault for not slowing down!

**Gajeel: **It was a race! You're meant to go fast! *Levy puffs out cheeks* Stop being so cute! I'm trying to be angry here!

**Mira: **They'll be fine. Juvia, are you…stop crying! Third is great!

**Juvia: **I failed Gray-sama! Juvia must try harder! Ahhh, Juvia was tied to Gray-sama! I will never wash this leg again!

**Mira: **You wash? I mean, you're made of water…never mind! That's it for me! Back to the booth!

**Mavis: **Great insight from the teams there.

**Makarov: **Really?

**Mavis: **No, but let's go to the scoreboard to refresh everyone's memory!

**1****st**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 10pts**

**2****nd**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 8pts**

**3****rd**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 6pts**

**4****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 4pts**

**5****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 2pts**

**Mavis: **Despite the position, listen to the crowd cheer for Iron Shrimp!

**Makarov: **That's just Jet and Droy…and they aren't cheering for Gajeel. Anyway, let us move directly onto round two! There is no time for waiting, since this fic is only three pages long so far! The contestants are now heading to a runic barrier set up by Fried. Once inside, they will not be able to cast any magic!

**Mavis: **They look confused by the five water bottles inside. This is a contest of kindness and a lack of embarrassment about public affection! Each bottle contains water heavily laced with Wasabi!

**Makarov: **That's right! The goal is for each team to finish their bottle first. But without magic to protect them, it is impossible for a person to finish it by themselves! They must share it between them. But can they drink from a bottle that their lover has just touched with their lips?

**Mavis: **This is not stolen from the Beezlebub manga!

**Makarov: **In character! Now, for this round, let us head to the observer cam for a direct feed!

Natsu was grimacing. He could take any spice with his magic, but like this? Juvia was wriggling. To touch the bottle that Gray-sama had graced with his magnificent lips? She had to go first!

"Do you want to go first?" Erza asked Gerard.

"I-I have no idea how my life has led to this point," Gerard sighed.

"A man should drink first!" Elfman shouted, reaching for the bottle.

"Oi, oi! Don't go thinking that you're better because I'm a woman!" Evergreen huffed.

"That's not what I meant!"

"Gihihihihihihihi! I've got this one!" Gajeel crowed. "I have the perfect strategy to win this round! Shrimp, this time our differences mean that we win!"

"Really? How?" Levy asked, eyes shining brightly. A strong arm wrapped around her waist as Gajeel picked her up, and he grabbed the bottle with his other hand.

"Because I can overpower you," he replied with an evil smirk. "Baby want her bottle?"

"No!" Levy cried as Gajeel shoved the bottle in her mouth.

**Mavis: **Oh my! With complete disregard for his girlfriend's wellbeing, Gajeel takes the lead! He forcibly makes Levy drink the whole thing! She doesn't look well. I thought only Natsu could breathe fire!

"I have to do the same!" Juvia cried. "I must make up for failure!" She pounced on the bottle and began to knock it back as fast as she could. She winced as she began to realise how spicy the drink was and just how much Levy was going to kill Gajeel later.

"Here, let me," Gray said placing a hand on her arm. Juvia swooned under the touch and the concern and passed the bottle to him. Natsu and Erza had started on their own bottles.

"A man must be a man!" Elfman declared, beginning to knock back his own bottle.

**Makarov: **It's a fierce battle for second place! Gray has the lead, but surely he'll have to stop soon! No! He takes one look at Natsu and gains a second wind! He's going to finish it! Gray and Juvia take second place!

"The hell!" Natsu shouted. He should have handed the bottle to Lucy, but male pride forced him to keep going. Slower and slower. Erza handed the bottle over to Gerard and he took up with renewed speed.

"Oi, Elfman!" Evergreen cried, concern tingeing her voice. "Don't think about me so much!"

"A man..glug-glug…must be a MAN!"

**Mavis: **Elfman finished the bottle by himself with no coercion! His willpower might be unrivalled in the whole guild! What concern he has to not let Evergreen suffer! And now he's breathing fire too! Third place to Elfman and Evergreen!

**Makarov: **Fourth place as Gerard finishes. Damn Natsu was too stubborn to share the bottle properly and didn't have the fortitude to keep the speed up. Lucy does not look happy. Looking at the scores, we have two ties, and Gajeel's gambit brought his team up the rankings.

**1****st**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 14pts**

**1****st**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 14pts**

**3****rd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 12pts**

**4****th**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 10pts**

**4****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 10pts**

**Mavis: **However, his gambit may have also cost him bedroom time.

**Makarov: **I've never seen a book wielded so efficiently as a weapon…but he'll be fine! That concludes round two of the Fairy Tail Couple's Competition! It's still all to play for! The scores could flip on their head within one round! Please stay tuned while we take a short break!

**Mavis: **And if any of our readers have an idea for a round, please let us know!

**Makarov: **Stop breaking the fourth wall already!


	2. Chapter 2

**Mavis: **Welcome back from our break! I hope the adverts weren't too boring!

**Makarov: **(Whispering) Don't piss off the sponsors!

**Mavis: **Oops. Anyway, we're moving onto round three! Here's a quick recap of the scores.

**1****st**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 14pts**

**1****st**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 14pts**

**3****rd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 12pts**

**4****th**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 10pts**

**4****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 10pts**

**Mavis:** As you can see, it's all still to play for. Anyone can be in first place after this round, so everyone must try their best! What's the third round, Sixth?

**Makarov: **This round will test how much attention our boys pay to the history, likes, dislikes, needs and desires of their girlfriends. Yes, I see you squirm, Natsu! This round will have three questions asked of the girls. The girls will write their answers down, and the boys must guess the correct answer!

**Mavis: **Alright, our ladies have their boards and pens. So, the first question is – **What is my favourite colour?**

**Makarov:** Ooh, an easy one if they are paying attention. But impossible if they aren't! Bahohoho! Okay, the girls have written down their answers, let's go live to the field to hear the boy's responses!

"It is easy," Gerard said quietly. "My Erza's favourite colour is red of course."

Erza grimaced and held up the word 'blue'. "You like my hair, but I like yours."

"Mine is easy!" Elfman roared and pointed at his girl. "Green is Manly!"

"It is feminine!" Evergreen huffed, holding up the word 'green'. Correct, if for the wrong reason.

"Juvia must like blue, right?" Gray asked nervously.

"Of course, Gray-sama!" Juvia confirmed, holding up her placard with the right answer.

"Shrimp likes orange because she has no fashion sense!" Gajeel declared loudly.

"That's not…yes, it's orange. I'm thinking that black is getting better for me, though," Levy replied with an angry blush.

"Natsu, you better not mess this up!" Lucy shouted. Natsu grimaced and thought deeply. Her hair was yellow, but she wore predominantly blue and white. Think…she likes you, and she's from the 'Heart'philia's, you gotta take a risk!

"It's pink!" Natsu shouted.

"Correct!" Lucy beamed.

**Makarov: **So lucky! After one question, only Erza and Gerard missed. I'm surprised, but maybe this was too easy. Hit them harder, First!

**Mavis: **The second question! Ahem. **What was the scariest experience in my life?**

Gajeel's jaw dropped. It must be when he'd attacked her…but he couldn't say that. "Um…I don't know."

Smiling shyly, Levy held up the card saying 'When I left you on Tenrou Island."

"D'awwwwwwww!" Went the crowd.

"I know. When you first let your guard down," Gray said knowingly. Juvia smiled and held up the confirmation.

"It must be when you turned me to stone!" Elfman stated decisively.

"Don't be an idiot! It's when I went outside with no make-up on!" Evergreen snarled.

"Not manly."

"When Rosemary was attacked," Gerard said sadly. Erza nodded and held up her board.

"I know!" Natsu hopped from foot to foot gleefully. "When you were six, you got your head stuck in a cookie jar!"

"Why did I ever tell you that?" Lucy mumbled with embarrassment as the crowd laughed.

"Lu-chan, you've seen yourself die. That's the scariest moment!" Levy objected.

"I was young!" The blonde huffed. "Those things stay with you!"

**Mavis: **With that, Natsu and Gray pull into the lead with two correct. Everyone else has just one! Now, we move on to the deciding question, which Natsu and Gray can use to get a guaranteed first place. Here it is. **What is the worst lie that I have ever told?**

Panicky looks swept over the faces of the girls. Slowly, they began to write.

Gray was thoughtful. "When I asked you if you were the one leaving creepy breath marks on my bedroom window."

Juvia looked shifty and held up a board saying 'I told Gray-sama that I wasn't the one stealing his underwear.'

"I bloody knew it!"

"Hmmm," Gajeel pondered, deep in thought. "It has to be when you told me that you were five feet tall. That's so obviously untrue."

Levy smirked evilly and held up her plaque. "When I told you that you were a good guitar player."

"I wrote that love song for you!" Gajeel wailed.

"Erza, I once asked you if you killed a man over a piece of strawberry shortcake," Gerard began. "You said no."

"I didn't kill him!" Erza snapped. "I said that I didn't wound him! Which I did. That's close enough, right?"

**Mavis: **Judges say yes! Point to Team Armoured Heart!

"Hmmm." Elfman's turn to ponder deeply. "Man. Man. Man, man, man…Manly!"

**Mavis: **Elfman appears to be unable to even come up with anything. Evergreen, if you could reveal anyway please?

"I told my mother that you were my butler, not my boyfriend," she admitted.

"That's why she asked me to clean the pool!"

"You didn't have to do it!"

"Cleanliness is Manly."

**Mavis: **Moving on, only Natsu left. If he gets this right, he is the undisputed leader of this round. Think, Natsu! What is Lucy's greatest secret, the thing she'd lie about?

"She said that her bust measurement is 91cm, 2cm larger than actual fact!" Natsu shouted, silencing the crowd with the stupidity of the remark, until, very slowly, Lucy revealed that it was in fact, the correct answer.

**Makarov: **That's not a bad measurement. *nosebleed*

**Mavis: ***huffs* It's far too much! Anyway, with that, Natsu and Lucy win the third round. Clearly, Natsu is on the same wavelength as his girlfriend! Erza, Gerard, Gray and Juvia tie for second, again leaving the others joint fourth. Let's go to the scoreboard!

**1****st**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 22pts**

**1****st**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 22pts**

**3****rd**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 20pts**

**4****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 16pts**

**5****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 14pts**

**Makarov: **The top of the board remains unchanged, but Natsu and Lucy move up the board. It's not looking good for Elfman and Evergreen. Hopefully, they'll be able to make something of a comeback. While we prepare for round four, Mira is in the audience. Mira?

**Mira: **Listen to that cheering! Let's see, who wants to say something?

**Bixlow: **Kyahahaha! Give it time! Ever's not gonna lose this thing! *dolls repeat 'not gonna lose'*

**Lisanna: **Fight hard, Elf-niichan!

**Mira: **Ooh, there are still die-hard supporters for my brother and Evergreen! Anyone here rooting for Team Iron Shrimp?

**Jet: **Is it possible for Levy to win but Gajeel to lose?

**Mira: **No.

**Droy: **Dammit. Ah well, (Jet at same time) Go Levy!

**Lily: **Gajeel's not going to lose! He's been training hard. Mostly with weights and stuff…not quite sure how that applies here…but he's not going to lose!

**Mira: **The hope is alive! Hey, my mic! *Lyon steals her microphone*

**Lyon: **Mira, I'm happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but Gray sucks! Go Juvia! Gah! *Mira knocks him into the floor and takes the mic back*

**Mira: **(As if nothing happened) So Laxus, any thoughts?

**Laxus: **This is stupid and I have no idea why I'm watching it.

**Mira:** There you have it! Back to you in the booth!

**Mavis: **Thank you Mira for that expert commentary. Now back in the stadium, we're getting set up for the fourth round. The idea for this round comes from HappyFan728, so if you have any ideas, please keep sending them in!

**Makarov: **Indeed. This round is an eating competition! In the stadium, we've set up five picnic tables, laden with food. The couple who finishes all of their food first wins! The catch is, they have to hold hands at all times, and they cannot feed themselves, only their partner.

**Mavis: **Interesting. So, they can choose to force unpalatable foods with their partner, or try other strategies! Oh my, look at that! Evergreen and Elfman catch their first break of the tournament! Being the only left-handed person here, Evergreen can hold Elfman's hands and still wield chopsticks to full effect!

"You know, Elfman, there is one thing we have in common," Evergreen noted, glasses glimmering. "We both hate to lose."

"Man!" Elfman replied, a big grin spreading over his face.

"You'd better not force feed me anything else!" Levy shouted at an insouciant Gajeel.

**Makarov: **Alright, ready, set, go! *bang* They're off! Look at that ambidextrousness letting Elfman and Evergreen fall into an easy rhythm of sharing and eating. And Lucy and Natsu are sharing well, giving all of the spicy food to the fire eater!

**Mavis: **Juvia and Erza are falling into a decent rhythm with their partners, but Levy is too small to eat enough to keep up with Gajeel! Still, it's anyone's game at this point! Wait, Elfman's making his move!

**Makarov: **He's growing! Double, triple, ten times the size! His beast form is amazing, and now Evergreen's forming a giant hand out of her magic dust, lifting the entire table to deposit it down his gullet! What a great use of magical abilities to snatch first place!

**Mavis: **You can see everyone else thinking quickly! It is going to be magic that makes the difference between positions, but remember the rule; you cannot feed yourself!

**Makarov: **Gray flips their table into the air with a sudden movement! Now he forms a cone of ice over Juvia to funnel all of the dishes towards her! But won't it just hit her in the head?

**Mavis: **No! Juvia turns to water and collects all of the dishes inside her! I-I think that counts! The rules don't stipulate the mouth as the passage of entry for the food! *who thought we'd need to?*

**Makarov: **Ah! Lucy summons Taurus and Loke, who begin shoving food down Natsu's throat! If he survives, that'll increase his speed massively, but Lucy cannot eat if Natsu is too occupied to feed her! Gerard and Erza are keeping pace with relentless teamwork! And in a desperate attempt, Levy is shoving what she can down Gajeel's gullet! But she can't do much one-handed!

**Mavis: **It's Natsu! Natsu takes third! (whispering) can Wendy please check that he's still alive? Erza and Gerard come in a languishing fourth, leaving Gajeel and Levy in the dust! What a shame!

**Makarov: **Still, it gives us a shake-up! Let's check the leader board!

**1****st**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 30pts**

**2****nd**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 26pts**

**3****rd**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 26pts**

**4****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 24pts**

**5****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 18pts**

**Makarov: **What a fierce battle! Gray and Juvia smash their way to a clear first place! Elfman and Evergreen claw their way back in, leaving the iron dragon and the bookworm in the dust. They look disappointed.

**Mavis: **I wouldn't worry; the author's totally biased towards them!

**Makarov: **Indeed. Well, that's four rounds done, but before we're done with this segment and go to a commercial break, we'll be having a swimsuit competition! We want to know who is the sexiest couple! So send in your votes! Let the author know who you think is the sexiest couple! Ripped abs all round!

**Mavis: **But too many melons! *huffs* I don't like this round. I hope Levy wins!

**Makarov: **So does the author! Don't let his bias decide!


	3. Chapter 3

**Mavis: **Welcome back from the adverts! We're going straight into round five, which is the swimsuit competition! The women and men will be judged separately and then have their team's score totalled.

**Makarov: **First, a quick reminder of the scores.

**1****st**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 30pts**

**2****nd**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 26pts**

**3****rd**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 26pts**

**4****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 24pts**

**5****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 18pts**

**Makarov: **And with that, let's bring on the…boys? Okay, I'll be patient. I'm so looking forward to the girls, though! Bahohoho!

**Mavis: **Ahem.

**Makarov: **Sorry. Here they are in their swim trunks, the Fairy Tail boys!

**Mavis: **(Happily) Look at those abs! In terms of pure muscle, they're all fairly equal. It's going to be up to faces and personalities to separate the winner from the losers. We've polled the audience and we have the results right here.

**Makarov: **In last place…I'm sorry to say that it's Elfman. I'm afraid you don't have many female admirers. But in fourth, it's Natsu! A surprise for the main character to be so low!

**Mavis: **Perhaps, but the remaining three are a mix of boyband pretty and badboy dangerous. In third is Gray, just peeped out by the silent brooding Gerard! That means…

**Makarov: **Well I'll be…with his distinctive looks and dangerous aura, Gajeel is the boy all of the girls swoon for!

**Mavis: **And look at that mane glisten in the sun! *swoons*

**Makarov: **And now here come the girls in their swimsuits! *Nosebleed* It makes me feel ten years younger!

**Mavis: **Seventy eight?

**Makorov: **Shush. Look at those figures! Bouncey bou- *static*

**Mavis: **Oh look, his mic has broken! It looks like I'll be announcing the rest of this round! The girls are all looking confident, except for Levy who clearly has the best physique there. Everyone else is grossly swollen in my opinion. Anyway, here come the results. In last place is Juvia, who refuses to take off her bulky clothes for anyone except Gray. In fourth is Evergreen, whose adult charms are outweighed by her cold attitude. In third is Levy, who might be the cutest thing in existence. Lucy does well with her fair charms, but it is Erza Scarlett who takes first place as the most envied guild member with her curves and bloom of red hair.

**Makarov: **It seems that my mic is working again.

**Mavis: **Then would you like to check the scores?

**Makarov: ***grumbles* Well, when we add the scores together, the round is won by Erza and Gerard, followed closely by Gajeel and Levy. Natsu and Lucy are third, with Gray and Juvia languishing with a surprising fourth. Elfman and Evergreen take last place. Let's add the scores in!

**1****st**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 36pts**

**1****st**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 36pts**

**3****rd**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 32pts**

**4****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 26pts**

**4****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 26pts**

**Mavis: **Even with their low score, Gray and Juvia still hold first, and Gajeel's good performance still leaves them in last. But don't change out of your swimsuits just yet! Change the field! We're bringing in a waterfield generator, the same as was used of day 4 of the Grand Magic Games.

**Makarov: **In this sphere of water, we're going to be playing a little game for round six! Can the competitors please enter the water? Now Juvia changes into a swimsuit? I don't understand that girl. The rule is simple! This is a naval battle! The last one in the water wins! But, if your partner is knocked out, you lose! So you have to look after your girl – Gajeel, I'm talking to you!

**Mavis: **Ready, set, go!

"Ha ha ha! This is a chance for me to show everyone my power in the water! **Gray-sama Wings of Love!**"

**Mavis: **There it is! The magic powerful enough to knock out almost all of the competitors from the Grand Magic Games! Can Juvia overpower these Fairy Tail mages?

"Hang on, Shrimp!" Gajeel roared as she clung around his neck for dear life.

"Save Aquarius for later!" Natsu threw an arm around Lucy's waist and used his other arm as a thruster to counteract the water flow. Evergreen used Elfman's bulky form as a place to hide as Elfman's strength kept him in the water.

"No one can defeat us in the water!" Gray shouted, ready to pile on. "**Ice make-**"

"**Meteor!**" Surging though the tidal wave, Gerard slammed into Gray at high speed and knocked him clean out of the water. Juvia had just enough time to register that Erza was in her Sea Empress Armour before she too was sent hurtling out.

**Makarov: **What an upset! In the water round, Juvia and Gray come last. The tremendous might of Erza and Gerard takes them out! You can see the other teams realising their biggest competitor in this round!

"Gihi, Stripper boy was careless," Gajeel grinned.

"B-but that's Erza!" Levy stammered. The idea of trying to stand up to her was insane!

"Gajeel! ** Fist of the Fire Dragon!**" The iron dragon caught the punch easily. It was impressive that Natsu could produce flame here, but it was weaker nonetheless. A knee slammed into Natsu's chin in response. This was good, Levy thought. If Gajeel could knock Natsu out and Erza was closer to Elfman, then they'd take second! She looked up as a shadow passed over her.

"Sorry, Levy-chan! But if I knock you out, Gajeel goes too! **Open Gate of the Water Bearer: Aquarius!**"

"W-wait!" Levy stammered as the mermaid spirit emerged, looking as irate as ever. "I'm small-chested, wouldn't you rather knock Lu-chan out instead?"

"Hmm," Aquarius mused. "I think you're right!"

"Forced gate closure," Lucy sighed, banishing Aquarius instantly. "I should've summoned Taurus."

"This is very bad," Elfman muttered nervously, looking up as Erza and Gerard turned their attention towards them. Evergreen looked similarly green, remembering how Erza had handily defeated her during the Harvest Festival.

"If we're going to lose, then we should lose like men, right?" She said slowly. Elfman smiled broadly at the unexpected turn of phrase.

"To lose is Manly! **Beast Soul: Merdrake!**" Adopting a sinuous yet muscular Piscean form, Elfman swam forwards, Evergreen matching pace. Erza and Gerard easily beat the pair back. They went in again and again, being knocked back each time.

**Makarov: **A spirited assault by Elfman and Evergreen! But they cannot defeat two such powerful opponents! Wait, what's this?

The quartet stopped fighting as lightning began to crackle through the water sphere.

"**Thunder-Flame Dragon's Fist!**" Natsu slammed the fist into Gajeel, who disappeared under a roiling cloud of stream from the super-heated water. Lightning spread through the liquid shocking all of the remaining contestants with the secondary effect.

"Natsu!" Lucy shouted, floating next to a similarly crispy Levy.

"Hihi!" Natsu chuckled. He frowned suddenly, realising that he couldn't move his fist. The cloud began to clear, revealing Gajeel having caught the punch in his palm, iron scales now covering his body.

**Makarov: **Look at that! His iron scales insulate him from lightning, keeping it away from his organs, and his iron was more than a match for Natsu's water dampened flames!

"Wait, I can't lose to Gajeel!"

"Gihi! **Iron Dragon's Club!**" As his arm extended, it too Natsu with it, dumping him out of the sphere. Lucy sighed and swam away, now disqualified. Gajeel swam up alongside Levy.

"I think that you took less damage from Natsu's punch than I did," she said, marvelling at his strength.

"Made of iron, baby!"

There was a splash as Elfman and Evergreen were both catapulted from the arena.

**Mavis: **They tried their best, but it's third for Elfman and Evergreen. Now, can Gajeel and Levy possibly stop the might of Erza and Gerard?

**Makarov: **Remember, they only have to knock out one opponent, not both. Still, that means that they can focus on Levy over Gajeel in return.

"Focus on Levy?" Erza asked. "No, I think I'd rather test Gajeel's might!" She charged forward, away from Gerard. Her Sea Empress armour boosted her speed massively in the water. She watched as Gajeel hurriedly downed an 'Iron' Levy had just made for him.

**Mavis: **Oh my, this is supposed to be a fun competition, but look at those two go! Gajeel isn't backing down before Erza's strength! There it is! Iron-Shadow Dragon mode! Can Gajeel possibly defeat her?

Levy looked over at Gerard, passively watching the fight. It was frustrating to know that he could knock her out in a heartbeat but was choosing not to do it. And as much as she loved Gajeel, no one was going to defeat Erza any time soon! She'd have to do something to turn the tide, as absurd as that sounded.

"**Solid Script: Blind!**" Gerard looked over, startled that an attack was actually coming his way. The word was dazzling, blinding his view. He raised a hand over his eyes as the next attack came, unable to dodge.

"**Solid Script: Bomb!**" The word exploded as it contacted Gerard, steam clouding him from view. Don't assume anything stupid, Levy thought. He's fine, keep attacking! Gerard smiled as word after word rained down on him, easily withstanding such attacks. It was wonderful to see her try so hard to keep up with her boyfriend.

"Forgive me Erza, must I must respond to such emotion. **Meteor!**" He dashed past Levy, giving her chance to respond. At the top of the sphere of water, he began to transcribe the seven stars of the Grand Chariot.

"Gerard! You can't use that on Levy!" Erza barked, breaking off from Gajeel momentarily.

"Now Gajeel!" Levy shouted. "The seventh star!"

"You clever little Shrimp, Gihi! **Iron-Shadow Dragon's Roar!**" Gajeel aimed upwards, for where the seventh star should appear. Unable to halt his momentum, Gerard was struck by the attack and hurled out of the sphere straight up.

**Makarov: **Amazing! Levy knew that she had no chance against Gerard, but goaded him into using an attack with a predictable pattern! Gajeel knocks him out to take first place! *Can Wendy check that Gerard is still alive, please?* While we tally the scores and revive the dead, let's go to Mira in the crowd!

**Mira: **Thank you master. Here I am with some other guilders to see their opinion.

**Minerva: **I wish I'd been in there with Lucy again. *licks lips*

**Lyon: **This is bullshit! Juvia and I would have won no problems!

**Rogue: **(Brooding) Gajeel…

**Ran: **It's not like I like the winners because they're Tsundere or anything!

**Ichiya: **Men!

**Sting: **Hah! Natsu got his ass kicked!

**Mira: **I'm beginning to think this is a waste of time. Back to the booth with the scores!

**1****st**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 44pts**

**2****nd**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 38pts**

**3****rd**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 36pts**

**3****rd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 36pts**

**5****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 32pts**

**Makarov: **Hmm, even with their unexpected loss, Gray and Juvia still ride high in the rankings. Gajeel's tying with Natsu, but I wonder how that'll fare outside of the water. Elfman and Evergreen have managed to close the gap a little, but Erza and Gerard are storming away!

**Mavis: **This last event of the day was unexpectedly serious. Let's hope that tomorrow's games return to being more cutesy and fun! As ever, please send in your ideas for day two of the competition, we'll be taking note!


	4. Chapter 4

**Mavis:** Welcome back to day two of the Fairy Tail Couple's Competition. As always, a quick reminder of the scores.

**1****st**** Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 44pts**

**2****nd**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 38pts**

**3****rd**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 36pts**

**3****rd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 36pts**

**5****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 32pts**

**Makarov: **Today's first event is a cooking competition, an idea from our viewer, **SakuraIchigoDark. **This will consist of two rounds. First, the boys will cook for their girlfriends, and then they will cook for them if they survive! They will be judged on culinary skill and the enjoyment of their other half!

Down in the arena, there were five cook stations set up, and a long table where the five girls awaited their meals with various levels of anxiety. Had Natsu or Gajeel ever been in a kitchen before?

"French cuisine is Manly!" Elfman roared, making everyone sweatdrop. How could such an oaf cook such delicate food?

"Cooking is about kicking ass!" Gajeel declared, turning his right hand into a knife and chopping frantically at a variety of ingredients. "No one can beat my built in utensils! Gah, my hair's on fire!"

Natsu worked over a simmering pot, constantly tasting. He reached over and started pouring in the curry spices, much to Lucy's dismay.

Gray was laughing. Sashimi! Why work harder when you could work smarter? No cooking, just slicing and a few herbs. Easy!

Gerard had never been in a kitchen in his life and was working slowly, trying to make sense of things.

Finally, five metal domes sat before the girls, now looking more anxious than ever. Natsu went first, lifting the dome.

"It's chicken curry!" He beamed proudly. Indeed it was, but it looked like the pit of hell, bubbling like lava. Lucy trembled as she took a forkful, turned her head and breathed fire over Levy, next in line.

"It's hot!" She cried.

**Mavis: **Too bad! Natsu is a fire eater and not used to making food for mere mortals!

As Levy tried to douse the cinders in her hair, she glared at Gajeel. "You know I can't eat iron, right?"

"Duh. I'm not stupid," he said as he lifted his dome. What lay inside was a blackened, charred mess. Levy took one bite and then hurried to a bin to throw up.

**Makarov: **Seems that Gajeel overcooked his food quite badly.

Gerard revealed a bowl of steaming instant noodles.

"I-it's all I could figure out," he said bashfully.

"They look wonderful," Erza replied, taking them gratefully.

**Mavis: **Not exactly fine dining, but it's the first thing even vaguely edible!

"Here you go, Juvia!" Gray smiled, pulling up the dome to reveal a very poorly done Sashimi. Of course, Juvia heard 'This is only for you, my beloved Juvia-chan'! She began to dig in with relish, happily ignoring how bad it was.

**Mavis: **Well, Juvia's happy, I suppose.

Evergreen looked nervous as Elfman lifted his dome with a flourish. The audience gasped.

**Makarov: **This…this is…

"Duck a l'Orange with a side of steamed carrots and peas with a light béchamel glaze," Elfman stated. Everyone looked at him like he'd gone insane. "Growing up with two sisters is Manly!"

"I-I had no idea…," Evergreen mumbled. "I'm not crying!"

**Mavis: **What an upset! Elfman clearly has the best culinary skills of all the men! Gerard's noodles have been rated above Gray's poorly made creation, and Natsu's food is actually edible, so beats Gajeel's!

**Makarov: **Once they've recovered from their indigestion, the girls will cook for their boyfriends. I have a feeling that this might go a little better. They're mostly wearing aprons, for a start.

"I can do this," Lucy mumbled to herself. "At least I can't use too many spices."

"There's no microwave!" Levy shrilled. "I've never cooked without one!"

"Cooking comes from the heart!" Erza stated, slapping random ingredients together as she felt like it.

"I must match his effort! Man!" Evergreen declared.

"Juvia must make Gray-sama the perfect meal!"

**Makarov: **Um…in retrospect, maybe this'll go as badly. Anyway, they're ready so let's see what they've prepared.

Levy looked nervous as she opened her tray for Gajeel. It was noodles again. He raised a brow at her.

"I'm a reader, not a chef!"

**Mavis: **I think Levy's culinary skills end with microwave burritos! Maybe she should actually use all of those cookbooks she owns!

Lucy revealed her dish with a flourish. It was a curry so spicy that it was practically giving off a glow. Natsu smiled like a delighted child and began to wolf it down.

**Makarov: **Lucy uses intimate knowledge of Natsu to prepare a dish that only he could eat! Let's see Erza's effort!

Gerard went as green as the broth revealed to him. All manner of bits poked out of it as it bubbled away. He reached forward with a trembling hand until something moved and he fled to throw up.

**Mavis: **Can we identify all of the animals in that broth, please? I'm fairly sure that feathers should have been removed before they were cooked! Here comes Juvia for her turn!

"It's a perfect lunch for my perfect Gray-sama!" Juvia cried, revealing a bento box in the shape of Gray's fave. Little tentacles poked out of it in various places. Gray very slowly ate it, clearly trying to look like he was enjoying the cold mush.

**Makarov: **He's a braver man than me! Just Evergreen to go now.

"I'm not the chef you turned out to be, but behold!" Evergreen revealed a giant mound of meat, simple stuff but done well with good seasoning.

"Meat is Manly!" Elfman yelled as the glorious food disappeared down his gullet at rapid pace.

**Mavis: **Oh my! With a simple dish done right, I think Evergreen takes this round! Judges place Lucy second with her well targeted dish, Levy third with a passable meal, Juvia fourth with something edible and Erza last with a dish that IS STILL MOVING! Someone kill it!

**Makarov: **So let's add the two rounds together and look at the scoreboard!

**1****st**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 50pts**

**2****nd**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 44pts**

**2****nd**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 44pts**

**4****th**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 42pts**

**5****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 38pts**

**Makarov: **It seems that no one is capable of knocking Erza from her lofty perch, still having six points of separation despite doing quite poorly this round.

**Mavis: **Indeed, round seven comes to a close and things don't appear to be moving much. It almost seems like the problem is the scramble to avoid last place. Let us announce round eight. Now, if you remember, round three was a competition where the boys displayed their knowledge of the girls. Now we're going to flip that on its head.

**Makarov: **If you look, there have been multiple tables set up in the arena. They are laden with all manner of objects. Each boy donated three objects important to them and we've mixed them all up with other things. The girls will have to identify the three items.

**Mavis: **I see fights if they decide on the same item, but that should be rare. They have ten minutes. If they think an item is right, they must hold it up for judging. If it's right, they score two points. Wrong, they lose a point.

The girls began circling the ten or so tables, examining objects as they went. All were expecting some red herrings. Juvia was the first to find something definite, holding up a cross necklace for all to see.

**Mavis: **That's Gray's necklace, all right! Two points to the blue-haired bombshell!

The other girls began moving a bit faster, feeling a sense of urgency about them. Levy felt a bit lost. She didn't think that Gajeel really had any possessions at all. And it was harder for her to see everything from her height. Evergreen was beginning to think that she was too self-possessed. Had she ever paid attention to anything important to Elfman? Erza had missed so much of Gerard's life.

"Natsu," Lucy said fondly as she spied the flier from her first quest with Natsu. She held it aloft, scoring a point.

**Makarov: **This is harder than it appears. We're a full three minutes in and only two points have been scored. At least no one's gone for a wrong answer yet.

"These are Gray-sama's underwear!" Juvia cried, waving the boxers to a laughing crowd.

**Mavis: **Point deduction! They're the same brand but not his!

"How could Juvia be so foolish?" The water mage wept. "Juvia has seen them often enough."

**Makarov: **(Muttering) Haven't we all…

Levy ran up to Evergreen. "Look, I found this locket with Mira and Lisanna's pictures inside. It must be Elfman's!"

"What are you doing, Shorty!?" Gajeel shouted from the sidelines. "Stop helping the enemy!"

**Mavis: **She really is too nice! Two points to Evergreen!

**Makarov: **Time is wearing on here. Lucy correctly identifies a scale of Igneel's. Juvia finds Gray's second, a horn from a monster he killed. Erza finds a wooden sword, a relic of their past. Only Levy has yet to find a point, though arguably she's doing better than Evergreen.

"Oi!"

**Makarov: **Don't turn me to stone!

"Anything metal could be Gajeel's!" Levy wailed.

"What does a big lunk treasure?" Evergreen wondered.

"I've gotta find the third one and beat Juvia," Lucy said as she hurried around.

"Because you want Gray-sama for yourself!" Juvia raged. She began to expand, liquefying and surging over the tables as a torrent of water.

**Mavis: **I wonder if she's using a sense of touch in her water form to explore all of the items at once?

"Here!" Juvia cried, re-solidifying with a little doll in her hand.

"You play with dolls?" Natsu snickered.

"It's sentimental!" Gray shouted, starting a scuffle which Gajeel gleefully joined for no reason.

"Stop fighting!" Lucy snapped at the trio before noticing something. "Wait…he's not…wearing…"

Now having the knowledge of what to look for made things much easier and she lunged for Igneel's muffler, practically knocking Levy over in her mad dash to get it.

**Mavis: **Lucy gets the third, scoring a full six points as opposed to Juvia's five. Only three minutes remain on the clock and Erza and Evergreen remain on one item found, while Levy has yet to score at all!

"This isn't fair!" Levy squealed. "Gajeel isn't the type to have mementos!"

"Dammit woman, pay more attention to your man!" Evergreen snarled at herself.

"Gerard, what do you treasure?" Erza mumbled to herself. She spied a small brooch that she almost overlooked before realising that it belonged to Meredy. She'd seen it on Tenrou Island. Erza held it aloft, scoring two more points.

"Dammit!" Evergreen shouted again. "I'll have to take a chance!" She reached for a huge dumbbell she'd spied earlier. Only a few men would have the physical strength to use it. She couldn't lift it, but announced it to the judges.

**Mavis: **Correct! Evergreen ties with Erza! One minute to go! You can see them both slowing down! If they guess wrongly, they lose to the other!

"I'm not backing down to her," Evergreen ground out. Think, think, think. There were a lot of stuffed toys here and there, all possibly relics of childhood. Think, what animal would best suit Elfman and go from there. He'd said stuff to you, think!

Elfman…sisters…lost Lisanna! That was the best bet! He'd said that she'd once told him a story about a parrot, an old pet: that was her guess. There was a stuffed parrot on the other side of all of the tables. She dashed over on her wings and waved the toy in the air.

**Makarov: **Yes! Clearly, Evergreen thought of something there. Only thirty seconds left and Erza and Levy look beaten.

"Argh! This bolt?"

**Mavis: **No. Minus one point.

"This screw?"

**Mavis: **No. Minus one point.

"This engine block?"

**Mavis: **No. Minus one point.

"This random shard of metal!?"

**Mavis: **No. Minus one…no wait, yes. Two points.

"What the hell is this!?"

**Mavis: **Um…*checks notes* …apparently that's a shard of Lily's sword that he kept from Edolas. And that's time over, I'm afraid. Lucy and Evergreen both score a full six points, taking first. Third for Juvia, fourth for Erza and fifth for Levy.

**Makarov: **Let's go over the missing items. The last item for Gerard is a pouch full of marbles. Apparently some child gave them to him when Crime Sorciere saved his village from a band of dark mages.

"I knew that!" Erza chastised herself.

"I wanna know!" Levy implored the announcer's booth.

**Makarov: **Alright, alright! The second item was the headband he wore when fighting Sting and Rogue.

"But I made that for him…"

**Makarov: **And the last was a copy of the book 'Daggie Dogfoot', by Dick King-Smith.

"B-but…that's the first book we read together…I didn't see it…I was looking for metal things," Levy dropped, sad. She began to sob.

"No Shrimp, don't cry!" Gajeel ran to hug her.

"You're too perfect to keep that book!" She wailed, pressing into his chest.

**Mavis: **Unfortunately, we can't award points for adorableness.

**1****st**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 54pts**

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 54pts**

**3****rd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 52pts**

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 50pts**

**5****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 40pts**

**Makarov: **Yikes. Over the space of two rounds, Gajeel and Levy have fallen into a clear disadvantage, but Evergreen and Elfman have surged ahead into a tight four point battle between first and last place.

**Mavis: **But…they're the best ones!

**Makarov: **You have to be impartial as an announcer…

**Mavis: **No, screw that! Author, I want explanations, and I want them now! You're a GaLe writer for crying out loud!

**Kurisu313: **I want them to win too; I'm just writing these as faithfully as I think I can to the source material.

**Mavis: **Not good enough! *Knees author in the balls*

**Makarov: **Holy!? Not getting on her bad side!

**Kurisu313: ***wheezing* Fine, round nine is 'are you more adorable than a puppy?'. Full points to Levy, zero for everyone else.

**Mavis: **Yay!

**Makarov: **I don't think that…

**Mavis: **I said, 'Yay'. To the scoreboard!

**1****st**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 54pts**

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 54pts**

**3****rd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 52pts**

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 50pts**

**4****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 50pts**

**Mavis: **A strong gambit by Levy brings the whole competition to a dead heat!

**Makarov: **We're gonna receive complaints about this…

**Mavis: **I am the First Master! Anyone wants to complain, they can complain to me! Next, we're going to have a 'who is the shortest?' round followed by a round to see who has the most piercings.

**Makarov: **No we are not! Goddamnit, cut to commercials!


	5. Chapter 5

**Makarov: **Welcome back from the break! We're in the process of setting up round ten. Have a look at the scores while we get ready.

**1****st**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 54pts**

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 54pts**

**3****rd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 52pts**

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 50pts**

**4****th**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 50pts**

**Mavis: **Our teams have been backstage preparing for a while now. This round, at the behest of several viewers, such as **Whiteshadowmatsuo, Nikki **and** Arduriel, **we are having a variety competition! The couples must put on a show with singing, costumes and dancing.

**Makarov: **It should be quite…interesting.

**Mavis: **You mean hilarious, right?

**Makarov: **I was trying to be subtle, but yes. This will be a short round, and then we'll have to petition you folks in the audience for scores. Here comes Natsu and Lucy for the first event.

Lucy was wearing a beautiful cerulean ballroom gown, her blonde hair pulled back in an elaborate bun. In complete and utter contrast, Natsu was bare-chested and carrying two short poles. The music of 'Dream a dream' from Les Miserables began to blare from the speakers.

Lucy's powerful yet melodious voice began to carry to every corner of the stadium as she sang. The crowd was enraptured by the beautiful song. As she sang, Natsu danced and cavorted like a dervish, spinning with flames on his poles. He continuously broke away small chunks of fire like glowing confetti around Lucy, magnificent.

During the song's climax, the platform beneath Lucy began to rise, and Natsu stood behind her, letting off a fan of flame like a peacock's tail. There was a standing ovation from the crowd.

**Makarov: **Wow that was fantastic. A little disjointed in that the dancing didn't match the song, but the flames complemented it perfectly. We'll ask the audiences to write in their scores and prepare the field for the next performance.

"This is a mistake Erza," Gerard said quietly in the corridor to the arena.

"Nonsense, we have to be hip and with the kids today."

"I shudder whenever someone over twenty uses the word 'hip'," Gerard sighed. He was dressed in baggy pants and had a backwards baseball cap on. This couldn't end well. In the end it went better than he expected. Gerard channelled his angsty past into rap.

Though most of the audience was focussing on the scantily clad Erza bumping and grinding next to him.

**Mavis: **Now the lights go out for Levy and Gajeel's turn. Do we expect a white suit and another rendition of 'Best Friend'? Shooby doo wa!

**Makarov: **My understanding is that Levy has forbidden it. We'll see.

A single strum of an electric guitar wailed out, Gajeel appearing in a spotlight. He was dressed in tight leather trousers and a grubby t-shirt. He began to play, the familiar riff of 'Welcome to the Jungle' echoing through the stadium.

Then Levy appeared in another spotlight, similarly attired. She held a microphone in one hand. She began to belt out the lyrics to the song, her feminine voice giving an unusual twist on the rock classic. She was red faced with embarrassment – the crowd was mainly going 'awww' - but she got through it.

**Mavis: **Yay Levy! What a great song with a nice twist! She's so cute to be a punk rocker! I feel sorry for the poor fools who have to follow them now!

**Makarov: **(whispering) Stop being biased!

With Tenor and Soprano voices, Elfman and Evergreen went for a complete and utter shake-up on theme. They went with an opera piece, their voices booming and dramatic. They were dressed like mighty Norse warriors with furs and helmets. It was perhaps ruined when Elfman shouted 'Opera is manly!' at the very end.

**Makarov: **It comes down to Juvia and Gray. I wonder what they have in store for us?

There was a mock up of a ballroom in the arena now. Gray in a tuxedo took Juvia's hand as she wore a flowing blue dress. She looked vaguely like she was going to explode from the scene. A dream come true for her.

They began to dance beautifully to the tune of Danse Macabre, Gray leading Juvia brilliantly. She looked completely comatose by now, off in a happy dream world. Then her eyes snapped in with that focus of hers and the music changed, becoming 'Ballroom Blitz'.

Gray and Juvia changed their dance, separating to launch waves of water and ice that clashed and spiralled and blossomed and sprayed. It was beautiful and the crowd gave another standing ovation.

**Makarov: **Hmm, no singing, but a brilliant dance! It's hard to compare the acts, as they were all so different.

**Mavis: **We want your votes! *cough*This is not a cheap way to boost reviews*cough* Tell us who you think had the best act! To save time, you only need to write one name. If you say Lucy, you don't need to write Natsu as well. Here's an example:

Natsu

Gajeel

Gray

Elfman

Erza

Please do write in! The author has no idea. He tried to make five different and interesting ideas, and wants your feedback. Voting is the American way! *isn't the author English? I saw he had a tophat and monocle!*

**Kurisu313: **That is a scurrilous lie! *sips tea*

Seriously, sorry for the short chapter, but this helps me out a lot. I just can't judge this one. I promise longer in the next chapter. I must start brainstorming ideas!


	6. Chapter 6

**Makarov: **Welcome back, and a great and deep felt thank you to all of you who took your time to vote. There were essentially two competitions. Natsu, Gajeel and Gray fighting for first, and Erza and Evergreen trying to escape last.

**Mavis: **And boy was it close! Lucy and Natsu win by a single point over Levy and Gajeel, 68 to 67. Then with a close 64, Juvia and Gray. Unfortunately, Erza and Gerard take last.

**Makarov: **Well, initially, he had them singing Bieber for comedic affect, but when he decided to put it up to vote, gave them a proper act. He must have run out of good ideas.

**Kurisu313: **I tried! *cries*

**Mavis: **There, there. It's not your fault that you're a sack of crap.

**Makarov: **First!

**Mavis: **What? Oh right, the scores! After we add in the scores, let's look at the scoreboard.

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 64pts**

**2****nd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 58pts**

**3****rd**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 56pts**

**3****rd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 56pts**

**3****rd**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 56pts**

**Makarov: **Well, it's close alright! Everyone ends up on the winner's podium at this rate! Let us press on with round eleven! We're heading back to a more physical contest, making the morons in the participants happy!

**Mavis: **Yes, this is an obstacle course! The first team to complete it wins! But the catch – the girl is not allowed to touch the ground at any point.

**Makarov: **Yep. Flying magic is not allowed – including Meteor, for fairness, and if the girl touches the ground the pair must pause for ten seconds before continuing on. Gajeel and Elfman look happy about that rule. Gerard less so. A full suit of armour adds a few pounds.

**Mavis: **If only she could quickly change her clothes somehow. Some kind of magic that allowed her to 'equip' clothes quickly. Repeatedly. You might say 're' 'equip'. Oh my God Erza, how are you not getting this!? Change into something lighter!

**Makarov: **Who's been slipping the first master coffee?

**Cana: **Not coffee…Irish coffee! Hehe!

**Makarov: **Oh dear…

**Mavis: **Can the next one be more Irish, less coffee?

**Makarov: **Now, you're a bit young…

**Mavis: **I am 132 years old!

**Makarov: **And back to the games! The contestants are lining up on the start line as we speak. All the girls are riding piggyback, save for Evergreen who is being held bridal style. Juvia, you don't need to hold on that tightly. The course goes on for several kilometres out of the stadium, so our cameras will catch the race. Ready. Set. Go!

The course out of the stadium was a simple raceway and the five teams hurried as fast as they could. Gajeel turned to Natsu, who seemed to be labouring the most.

"Problem, Salamander?" Gajeel smirked. "Your passenger looks the heaviest! Gihi!"

"Gajeel! Don't be so rude!" Levy shouted.

"Course she weighs more!" Natsu retorted. "My girl has boobs!"

"Natsu!" Lucy chastised.

"Oh. It. Is. On!" Gajeel shouted, ramming his shoulder into Natsu's. They couldn't really fight with their arms supporting their girls. "Oi, Shorty! Hit 'em!"

"What!?"

"We can't fight, so you knock Lucy off! Buy us ten seconds!"

"That seems mean…"

"I agree," Lucy huffed. "We should just race."

"**Water Slicer!**" Both girls tumbled from their steeds as sprays of water hit into them.

"Sorry Gajeel-kun!" Juvia called, before falling into a scowl as she turned to Lucy. "Love-rival!"

**Mavis: **Ooh! Levy and Lucy must wait ten seconds before rejoining the race. A nasty tactic by Juvia there. I look forward to more of the same! Ha!

Gray, Gerard and Elfman thundered out of the stadium, heading onto the obstacle course proper. There was a wide street that passed down through most of Crocus, obstacles set along their length. The first was a simple beam running across the street. It had an arrow pointing down that said 'boy' and an arrow pointing up saying 'girl'.

"**Ice Make: Slide!**" Creating two sprays of ice, Gray sent Juvia over the barrier as he slid under, deftly catching her. Erza jumped from Gerard's back, landing perfectly on him on the other side. Evergreen tried the same tactic, but Elfman stumbled trying to get his bulk under and she landed on the ground. They had to wait ten seconds.

Natsu and Gajeel were hurrying to catch back up. They both threw their girls recklessly over the barrier, both managing to make the catch on the other side – though Gajeel had to dive harder than he'd admit to the angry girl in his arms. They rejoined Elfman as he took off.

**Makarov: **Gray and Gerard are approaching the next obstacle! This is a complete reverse of the rest of the race. There are a series of hanging ropes in the air. The girl must use the ropes to swing along, carrying her boyfriend with her!

**Mavis: **Erza's mighty physique easily bests the challenge, and Juvia…absorbing Gray into her water body! Those two must have some serious counselling issues! It's a short trip to the other side and Gray and Gerard are off again!

Evergreen, Levy and Lucy looked at the obstacle with trepidation.

"I'm sorry…I can't…" Levy mumbled.

"No problem, Shrimp. We'll take the time penalty," Gajeel assured her.

"If you weren't such a big lunk!" Evergreen sniped.

"It's manly to be huge," Elfman retorted.

"It's okay, Luce."

"No, I got this! **Open Gate of the Bull, Taurus!** Carry us across!" Natsu cringed as the bovine spirit wrapped his thighs around him and easily pulled their combined weight across.

"I swear, if you mention her boobs, I'm gonna punch you!" Natsu scowled.

**Mavis: **Gajeel and Elfman will have to wait a minute for failing to tackle the obstacle. Levy's petite form and Elfman's massive bulk were not well suited to this task.

**Makarov: **Gray and Gerard are already on obstacle three. A tall fake-mountain. They must scale the whole thing with the girls on their backs and then descend the other side. Not easy, and both are making slow going. Natsu has reached the bottom and started to ascend, but the others are almost at the top.

"Now's our chance to catch up! **Beast soul!**" Elfman and Gajeel leapt at the mountainside. Elfman's apelike form made quick work of the sheer slope, while Gajeel was able to craft makeshift pitons to scale upwards. It also didn't hurt that he had the lightest passenger.

**Mavis: **Oh my! Elfman and Gajeel close the gap, the four teams now neck and neck as they reach the bottom of the other side of the mountain! Only Natsu is trailing! There is only one obstacle left! Who is going to win?

The four teams stopped, their faces a picture of incredulity.

There was nothing there.

The finish line was clearly visible in the distance.

"Well, fuck this then!" Gajeel said, starting forward. His foot caught something and there was an explosion, sending the pair sprawling to the ground.

"Goddamnit," Levy moaned. "It's a minefield."

"Is that so?" Gray asked smugly. "Then this is easy! **Ice Make: Bridge!**"

"**Fire Dragon's Roar!**" Natsu's attack melted Gray's attempt to cross the minefield as he caught up. He wasn't letting his old rival get ahead that easily. By this time, Gajeel and picked up Levy again.

**Mavis: **How interesting! This is no longer a race but a contest to see who can figure out a way across the field best!

"Fuck strategy! There is only one way! **Iron Scales!** I'll force my way through!"

"**Ice Barrier!** Fire won't get through my extreme cold!"

"**Beast Soul: Lizardman!** I can take anything you throw at me!"

"I'll eat any flames before they hit us!"

The four teams rushed forwards, explosions pounding them to little effect. Between their awesome defensive skills, they could take it. It was a neck and neck race.

"Oi, Gerard! We're losing!" Erza shouted.

"Give it a second. I'm going to take out the minefield and the competition in one shot." He lowered into a ready stance, moving his hands through arcane gestures. Clouds began to gather over the arena. "**Heavenly Star Destruction: Cerma!**"

An enormous ball of golden magical energy descended from the vortex in the clouds. Contestants and viewers alike gawked at the overkill. They boys were too occupied with their minesweeping duties. There was nothing that they could do.

"**Shine by the light of the 88 stars! Urano Metria!**"

"**Water Nebula!**"

"**Solid Script: Inferno!**"

"**Leprechaun!**"

The four girls launched their attacks upwards at the descending spell. In a massive clash, the spells collided and cancelled each other out.

"They could stop my attack?" Gerard asked, incredulity tinting his voice.

**Mavis: **With that, it's coming down to a dead heat! Four teams rushing towards the ever-closing finish line! They've cleared the mines! It's only a few metres left to the line! Go! Go! Go!

Evergreen smirked. Putting on her best 'liar voice', she cried. "Oh no, my dress is slipping! My boob is falling out!"

Now, they may be faithful bastards, but no man could not glance over. At which point a fully clothed Evergreen turned Natsu, Gajeel and Gray to stone as their eyes met.

**Mavis: **First to Evergreen and Elfman! Sixth? Why are you stone too!?

The spell ended a few instants later and it was now between Natsu, Gajeel and Gray for second place.

"**Fist of the Fire Dragon Boosters!**" Natsu sent himself surging over the finish line in second place with his patented boosting technique. That left it between Gray and Gajeel.

"I ain't losing to some perverted stripper!"

"I'm not losing to some metal-studded freak!"

There was a brief but intense scuffle before the line and both pair fell over at the same time.

**Makarov: **We're going to have to go to the cameras to see who finished first. We're talking in the same second. It looks like Gajeel edged Gray out by a hair!

**Mavis: **How exciting! Juvia looks angry with her old comrade. She does not like letting down her man at all! I would not want to be in Gajeel or Levy's shoes.

**Makarov: **You don't wear shoes. Anyway, let us check the scores!

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 72pts**

**2****nd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 66pts**

**3****rd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 64pts**

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 60pts**

**5****th**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 58pts**

**Mavis: **This just in! The author has finally decided. This competition will go on until a team hits a hundred points. Then they will be crowned the best couple in Fairy Tail! With that, the third day of this competition comes to a close. We'll let the competitors rest up and we'll pick up in the morning. Now, back to that 'Irish'!

**Makarov: **It's gonna be a long night. But it may be longer for our contestants…


	7. Chapter 7

**Mavis:** Welcome back to a very special episode! Now, we're gonna have to be very quiet, as we don't want the contestants to hear us. We've put the five teams up in lodgings for the night and we set hidden cameras up all over the place!

**Makarov: **It's like a better version of Big Brother! Now, Elfman's been resigned to chef since his good showing in the competition, but everyone else is currently in the communal area. Let's watch.

The communal area was a large room with a table in the centre and several long sofas laid out around it. Gajeel had his feet up on the table as Levy snuggled into his side, exhausted from the competition. Lucy and Natsu were wrestling for no real reason. Erza and Gerard were talking quietly, while Juvia appeared to attempting to beat Levy in the cuteness battle as she wriggled ferociously against Gray's flank. They were all in their pyjamas.

Finally, Elfman and Evergreen came back into the room from completing the dinner and began placing bowls of delicious food in front of people. Gajeel and Natsu began to compete to finish theirs first.

"Oi, take the time to enjoy it!" Evergreen barked. "We spent the time to make it!"

"It's wonderful," Erza beamed. "Who knew this big lug was so good with cooking?"

"It was just Big Sis taught me a lot," Elfman replied in an unusually bashful manner.

"Maybe you can teach Shorty something! Gihihi!"

"Gajeel! I can cook much better than you!" Levy huffed, blowing out her cheeks. After that, there was some silence as they finished eating. Suddenly, speakers blared into life, making them all jump.

**Mavis: **I'm bored, so we're jumping straight to the next competition!

"You're watching us in here!?" Lucy shouted at the ceiling.

**Mavis: **Careful, or I will give you a points deduction! Now, the boys and girls will be separated into two separate competitions. Could the ladies please make their way down the corridor to their competition room?

Lucy, Erza, Juvia, Levy and Evergreen went down the hallway and entered the room. It was large and square, and absolutely full of pillows. The floor was covered with them, and the walls were all padded by more.

**Makarov: ***nosebleed* Bahohoho! This is the pillow fight round!

"WHAT!?"

**Mavis: **That's right! The rules are simple – you score one point for every time you hit another girl with a pillow. Only pillows are acceptable weapons. Anything else will be disqualified, including armour. Winner gets 5 points, then 4,3,2,1 to be added to your boy's score for this round. Okay? Go!

Erza wasted no time, standing in the centre of the other four. "Heaven's Wheel! Blumenblatt!"

The other girls squealed as they were hammered by a barrage of pillows travelling in a circuit, replacing Erza's fearsome sword technique.

**Mavis: **Erza scores 127 hits in a mere ten seconds! Is she unstoppable?

"This is a pillow fight?" Levy gasped as smoke rose from where she'd been struck.

"I've been through this before," Lucy groaned. "I thought I might die."

"Juvia will not be scared! For Gray-sama!" Juvia launched herself at Erza, pillow in hand. The armour maga made to dodge, but her foot caught a pillow on the floor and she stumbled, allowing Juvia to batter her.

**Makarov: **Juvia's fury scores multiple hits!

"There are easier targets," Evergreen noted slyly, leaping at Levy and battering her. Levy held up a forearm to stave off the attack, but Lucy came in alongside her and joined Evergreen in her attack, surprising them both.

"Hey, Lu-chan!"

"Sorry, Levy-chan, this is just worth more points!" Lucy replied with a devilish grin. They continued to whack poor Levy until Juvia fell into the trio, knocking them all down. Erza advanced slowly towards them, eyes shadowed demonically as she wielded a deadly pillow in each hand.

"She's too much for Juvia. We must work together."

"I agree," Lucy said as Evergreen nodded.

"Now you want my help!?" Levy exploded, shaking her head in exasperation. The four girls charged at Erza and a massive melee erupted in the centre of the room. They hit each other again and again until a buzzer sounded.

**Makarov: **It's hard to keep count! There were so many hits in there! Still, Erza's lead was insurmountable, and Lucy and Evergreen's tactics put them in second and third. Poor Levy is in last place. Now, please return to the boys as we announce the results of their competition.

"Results?" Erza asked to the ceiling. 2they've already had it?"

As the girls all returned to the living room, the boys all looked incredibly shame-faced.

**Mavis: **While the girls had their fight, the boys watched from the CCTV footage. They had a competition – the last man to get a boner wins!

"WHAT!?" The girls cried.

**Makarov: **Natsu won with a mighty four point five seconds. Then Gerard with three point nine. Gajeel with three point seven. Gray with three point two. Elfman lost with one point six.

"What the hell!?" Evergreen shouted.

"It's Manly to be… I don't know how to respond."

"H-how did you even measure that!?" Levy asked, aghast.

**Makarov: **That answer goes to hell with me. Anyway, with that, we can add together the points of the boys and the girls and add them to the total scoreboard.

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 81pts**

**2****nd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 70pts**

**3****rd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 68pts**

**4****th**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 67pts**

**5****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 64pts**

**Mavis: **How interesting! While there is becoming a clear front runner, we have a tight struggle for second place. I hope for more success from Gray and Juvia. Tomorrow may well be the last day of the tournament. Our contestants can now rest safely!

"You're pervs!" Lucy shouted at the ceiling. "All of you!"

The women nodded in agreement and headed to their bedrooms alone, doors slamming shut. The boys sat quietly together, feeling fully ashamed.

"You reckon they'll release that pillow fight on DVD?" Gajeel asked.

"Damn, I hope so," Natsu replied.


	8. Chapter 8

**Makarov: **Welcome back to the Competition! As you can see, we've set up a long table in the arena, which the couples are all sitting down at. This is a drinking competition! *Are Cana and Bacchus…*

**Mavis: **Laxus and Mira are sitting on them, yes.

**Makarov: **Fantastic! It's a simple goal: the couple with the most combined number of pints drunk is the winner! I wonder who will come out on top! Gajeel looks like a contender, but Levy is a lightweight. Erza and Gerard might have the highest combined tolerance!

**Mavis: **Less talky! Go!

Ten pints were raised to lips, and ten pints slammed back down onto the table. Not all were drunk at the same speed, but to the crowd's amazement, all of them made it. Lucy and Evergreen looked a little worse for wear, but Levy and Juvia looked fine.

**Makarov: **What the…?

This time, the old man watched closely as the second pints were drunk.

**Makarov: **There! Look at the instant replay! Levy dropped a word into the beer! It was 'purify', lessening the alcoholic affect on her! I'm not sure how Juvia is handling hers so well, though.

A third beer went down, and Lucy hurried away to throw up. A triumphant smirk on Evergreen's faded as her face began to turn the colour of her name and she too, fled.

Beer four went down uneventfully.

At the fifth beer, Erza was beginning to turn the colour of her hair. Levy was beginning to lose, even with her gambit. Juvia still looked fresh, and all the boys seemed like they were still in it.

On beer six, Levy finally keeled over backwards giggling and Erza slumped onto the table and promptly fell asleep.

It was at the eight beer that Natsu and Gerard both had to quit, looking incredibly rough.

Gray followed on the ninth.

**Mavis: **Oh my! It seems that Juvia is still absolutely fine! This must be some application of her magic. Elman and Gajeel are both swaying, but they're still in it!

"I don't know what that damn water woman's doing, but I'm gonna beat you, Elfman," Gajeel said in a groggy voice.

"It's manly to compete!"

Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Elfman went down.

Thirteen. "Okay, now I'm done," Gajeel said and promptly fell over.

Juvia stood up and turned to liquid. As she did so, pockets of beer floated to her surface and she deposited them outside of herself. "See, Juvia can drink an unlimited amount if Juvia isolates them with her magic."

**Makarov: **Well, I think we can say that Juvia wins with a potential infinity score. Gajeel and Levy have a combined nineteen. Elfman and Evergreen drank fifteen, followed by fourteen to Erza and Gerard. Natsu and Lucy only made eleven, I'm afraid. Let's look at the scoreboard.

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 83pts**

**2****nd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 76pts**

**2****nd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 76pts **

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 74pts **

**5****th**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 71pts**

**Mavis: **Now for the real fun! The battle round – while everyone is still drunk! There will be a random drawing of battle partners, the only rule being that you can't face your own partner! Winner gets five points for their team!

**Makarov: **Let's see, the first draw is – Lucy vs Erza!

Lucy's fear began to abate as she realised that she was far better off than Erza, who was clearly swaying. Summoning a fully sober Loke and Taurus, she was able to win her fight, although it still took about ten minutes of one-sided beating to put Erza down.

**Makarov: **And there's the alcohol swaying fights! Next is Gerard vs Elfman!

"A man…is never drunk..hic!"

"I… I am too *belch* serious for this stupid competition," Gerard growled, staggering. "M-m-meteor!" Gerard surged forward with extreme speed, slipped, missed Elfman and crashed into the far wall, upside down.

**Mavis: **Pff… it's funny to see such a serious character reduced to the level of our guild!

**Makarov: **Please don't phrase it like that… next is Evergreen vs Juvia!

"Juvia is perfectly sober. She can defeat you," the rain woman announced.

"Ah, it's not worth the effort," Evergreen replied, much more sozzled. "I quit!"

**Mavis: **N-no! Damn you, Ever! You're supposed to do funny things for the crowd, not resort to character type! Nooooooooooooo!

**Makarov: **Ahem, moving on we have… oh my… Gajeel vs Natsu!

"Finally, Salamander! A chance to kick your ass for that mine car stunt at the Daimatou Enbu!"

"Bring it on, Kurogane! I'll kick your butt every time we meet!"

**Mavis: **This exchange might be more threatening if either opponent was standing.

"It's hard!" They both shouted at the same time. They both felt like the ground was moving, passively setting off their motion sickness.

**Mavis: **Well, if you two are fine with a draw…

"With him!?" Both slayers shouted.

"Fire dragon's iron fist!"

"Iron dragon's club!"

"Fire dragon's brilliant flame!"

"Iron dragon's spear: Daemon logs!"

"Fire dragon's wing beat!"

"Iron dragon's sword!"

"Crimson Lotus: Exploding Flame Blade!"

"Karma Daemon: Iron God Sword!"

"Thunder-fire dragon's…"

"Iron-shadow dragon's.."

"Roar!"

**Mavis: **Neither of you are actually fighting! You're just lying on the ground and shouting attack names!

"Draw." The both passed out.

**Makarov: **Well, that brings us to our last fight – Gray vs Levy. This should be quick.

"Weee, this is so much fun!" Levy cried drunkenly as Gray swung at her in a futile manner. He had no balance, and the small girl was moving around completely randomly. Levy grabbed his arm and clambered up around his shoulders. "Up! Let's go up! Weeee!"

**Mavis: **It appears that Levy is totally sloshed.

**Makarov: **You don't say…

Gray moved to grab Levy but she swung under his grasp and a palm slammed under Gray's chin. He staggered, surprised by the force and swung in with a punch. Levy deftly moved aside and smacked him three times in his chest. He looked up with amazement at Levy's stance.

**Bacchus: **That girl's a natural! Wild…

**Quatro Cerberus: **Four!

"That does it! Ice make:-"

"Cleaving palm under the moon or something like that!" Levy declared, proceeding to beat the ever-loving shit out of Gray. "Weeee! That was fun!"

**Gajeel: **Holy shit!

**Makarov: **So, Levy's a drunken fist grand master. Interesting. Let's make sure that she never finds out about this…

**Gajeel: **Agreed!

**Mavis: **But now we can add to the scores!

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 91pts**

**2****nd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 84pts **

**3****rd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 81pts**

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 79pts **

**5****th**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 71pts**

**Mavis: **A single solid win will see Natsu and Lucy take the crown! With that, tomorrow will likely be the final day of the tournament! Can the others stage an upset? Will Fried finally come out to Laxus? Will Erza and Gerard make a comeback? I hope you'll stay tuned for the final day of the tournament!

**Fried: **H-hey!


	9. Chapter 9

**Mavis: **Let's hear those cheers! The stadium is shaking, for this is the last day of the Fairy Tail Couple's Competition! No matter what, we'll keep going until a team beats 100pts and is the winner! Before we get started, let's see the scores to know who has to do what!

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 91pts**

**2****nd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 84pts **

**3****rd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 81pts**

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 79pts **

**5****th**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 71pts**

**Makarov: **It seems that Erza and Gerard have fallen away unexpectedly after their good early showing. Natsu and Lucy have a strong lead, but anything could happen! As our contestants take the field, they look to have slept off most of the booze!

**Levy: **Would someone tell me what happened yesterday?

**Gray and Gajeel: **No!

**Mavis: **Drunken grandmasters aside, we're moving onto the *deep booming voice* Accumulator Round!

**Natsu: **What's that mean? Is it good to eat?

**Makarov: **Natsu…look, just let Lucy do the thinking for your team, okay? No, we're returning to our roots about this being a competition to see who is the best boyfriend and girlfriend. You will be given a series of tasks and questions, each worth an amount of points equal to its difficulty. For instance, Gajeel, for a single, easy point, we might ask you your girlfriend's surname.

**Gajeel: **Uh…

**Levy: **You're kidding me.

**Gajeel: **McShorterden?

**Levy: **That's as close as I could have hoped, I suppose.

**Makarov: **Okayyy…well, for a quick test to ease us in, five points for the first person to shout out their partner's middle name!

**Gajeel: **Oh! McShorterden!

**Levy: **Just, just shut up.

**Erza: **It's Leonardo. I know because we all gave each other names at the Tower of Heaven.

**Makarov: **Correct, bringing them up to 76 points! Come on Erza, you can do this!

**Mavis: **Now who's biased? Anyway, time to ask another question. Now, another simple one for a single point. How old is your partner?

**Natsu: **That's easy, she's…

**Erza: **Blumenblatt! Twenty eight!

**Mavis: **Ah! Erza blows Natsu away before he can answer to score a point! Who would have thought we'd have such violent tactics in a question round? It's so much fun, hihi!

**Erza: **Losing is not an option!

**Gerard: **Agreed! *Everyone else begins to back away from the S-class pair*

**Makarov: **Next is a task! Listen up boys, for this is worth a whopping five points! The whole of Magnolia is your playground. You must find an item and return to present it to your girlfriend with a Romantic *cough*cheesy*cough* one liner. We are magically measuring how well your girlfriends receive it to see how many points you get!

**Lucy: **How on Earth do you measure that!?

**Makarov: **It's like an MPF for emotions… okay, it's the power of plot. Now go!

Four boys dashed out of the stadium, but Gray stood still and took Juvia's hands.

**Gray: **I'll give you the only gift you want. The gift of me!

**Juvia: **G-G-G-Gray-sama!

**Makarov: **Holy shit, these readings are off the chart! Juvia is…110% satisfied? That can't be right! Technically that's worth 5.5 points, but we'll stick at five.

**Mavis: ***Pouting* Juvia will need to learn to milk him for more.

Gerard returned in a blaze of golden light, having dashed full speed with Meteor. He knelt before Erza, producing a single rose.

**Gerard: **I give this flower to my flower, a scarlet bloom, blossoming with pride and beauty.

**Levy: **Hey, that was my line! Well actually, Future Levy, so I don't know about it, but this is a crack fic, so I do.

**Mavis: **Another perfect reading! Five points to Gerard! Wow, they have stormed back into the middle of the field with a strong showing today. Currently, Evergreen is losing, but here comes Elfman to see if he can raise their score! Is that a jewellery bag?

**Elfman: ***Opening a box full of expensive rings* It's manly and expensive!

**Evergreen: ***Squealing* I love them!

**Mavis: **According to the readings, that's four points. Geez, how much would he have to spend for full points? Still, here comes Gajeel! Look at the size of that book! It's bigger than… oh no, Gajeel, don't do it!

**Gajeel: **I know you like books, so I got one bigger than you, which was easy because you're so short and tiny and small and little!

*Crowd facepalms*

**Makarov: **Well, Levy had peaked to 100% on sight of the book, but Gajeel's short joke dropped her down to only 20% for a single point. God damn it, you iron-brained fool. Still, they're currently tied in second place, and here comes Natsu! What's he got in his hands?

**Natsu: ***huffhuff* Sorry, I had to run all the way back home to get this. I'd been saving it for a special occasion.

'It' was a fine length of golden chain, ten little golden plates dangling from it, each pressed with a symbol of the zodiac, save for the two that didn't belong to her.

**Lucy: ***choking up* Natsu, it's beautiful!

**Natsu: **Let me put it on! *almost strangles her*

**Mavis: **Well, that dropped it from a five to a four. Nice thought, less energy! Well, at this time, let's display the scoreboard.

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 95pts**

**2****nd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 85pts **

**2****nd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 85pts**

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 84pts **

**5****th**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 82pts**

**Makarov: **Natsu and Lucy are at the home straight. Five points sees them win. They'll be hard to beat, but the second place slot is completely up for grabs! I think we can safely say that all of our couples are lovely and work in their own ways. They have all performed wonderfully and…

**Mavis: **Screw your hippie crap! There can be only one winner! This round is the same as the last, but it's the girl's turn. Remember, if Lucy scores a perfect five, it's all over, so try your best!

Lucy went to run out of the stadium, but the other four all stood still. They had what they needed.

**Juvia: **Juvia gives Gray-sama the gift of me!

**Gray: **Uhh…

**Mavis: **The reading says three points.

**Juvia: **Why so low!?

**Levy: **Solid Script: Iron! *Giant word appears in front of Levy* I know you like it because it's bigger than me!

**Makarov: **Wow! Perhaps a little cynical, but Levy plays to Gajeel's desires, granting a full five points.

**Erza: **Requip: Bunny Suit! *Poses* Red flowers are also sexy, ne?

**Gerard: ***Losing blood quickly*

**Makarov: **Bahohoho! Nice. Five points.

**Evergreen: **The gift I have for you is this, Elfman. *blushes furiously* Elfman, you… you are a MAN!

**Elfman: **MAN! *Hugs Evergreen off of the ground*

**Makarov: **Hmm, apparently a four! I think the addition of 'Manly' before 'man' would have raised it to a five! So, while we wait for Lucy, let's see the scores.

**1****st**** Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 95pts**

**2****nd**** Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 90pts **

**3****rd**** Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 89pts**

**4****th**** Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 87pts **

**4****th**** Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 87pts**

**Mavis: **Amazing. Please, everyone remember that Gray, Juvia, Erza and Gerard have not done badly. All the teams are hovering about ninety points, which is fantastic! I'm so glad that Levy is in second, so that I don't have to knee the author's balls again!

**Kurisu313: **That's it, I'm just gonna take this fourth wall down if you're just gonna keep breaking it.

**Makarov:** But, I wonder what would be a good gift for Natsu? Will Lucy just bring fire? Can she score the necessary five points? Here she comes now… with a golden key? Is she giving a spirit to Natsu?

**Lucy: **Natsu, this is the thing I think you want most. This is the key to my apartment, so you no longer have to sneak in. I'm inviting you to come over whenever you want!

**Natsu: **Thanks, Luce! I'll use it all of the time! Now I won't get chairs and tables thrown at me!

**Makarov: **Aww, that's cute! Let's look at the score. Oh my, it's hovering between four and five!

**Mavis: **Kyah, it's so tense! Which is it?

**Makarov: **It's a…five! Natsu and Lucy reach 100 points! Team Burning Spirit wins! Natsu and Lucy win the best couple in Fairy Tail competition! Natsu and Lucy win!

*Crowd goes wild*

There is a podium. Evergreen and Elfman stand on the third level, holding a small bronze trophy. Gajeel perches Levy on his shoulder and she waves the larger silver trophy into the air, because he'll eat it if she lets up. On the top, Natsu and Lucy have crowns and fur cloaks, enthusiastically holding their golden trophy aloft for the cheering crowd.

**Natsu: **Suck it, slanty eyes!

**Gray: **You asshole…

**Erza: **Don't feel bad. Gray, maybe you should learn from this to return Juvia's affection more deeply. A one sided love isn't fun for anyone. And Gerard and I are apart so much that maybe we weren't in the same league as them.

**Juvia: **Juvia is sad, but happy for Gajeel-kun and Levy-san. They look so happy. Maybe now Love-rival will keep her hands off of Gray-sama!

**Gerard: **I don't think she likes… *Erza stops him and shakes her head*

**Elfman:** It's manly to be on the podium! Is this good enough?

**Evergreen: **For now.

**Levy: **I'm so happy, Gajeel! Even though we're different, it seems that we work well together!

**Gajeel: **I suppose the second step is the highest you've ever been, GIHIHI! Gah, not the handbag!

**Natsu: **We did it, Luce! We're number one!

**Lucy: **Well, we are the main characters…

**Mavis: **And that is the end of the tournament. Congratulations to the winners and all of our contestants and a great thank you to all of our audience who watched and participated! You are the greatest winners of all… well, not really, I mean you're kinda nerdy…

**Makarov: **Please stop insulting the audience, First.

**Mavis: **Right! I hope you all enjoyed the ride and goodbye!

**Kurisu313: **The fic is over? I'm free! Freeeeee! Ahahahahaha!


End file.
